I think earn is such a good word, because youre talking about such a complicated math. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Its really wonderful to learn more about you and hear the ways youve connected with Kate and the book. Surely, my friend, my lost and lovely friend, called for new words. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Kelly Corrigan:Well you know, its so funny. Society & Culture English Kate Bowler:Yeah. I was so mad that I shook the cage a bit, that hamster eating its sibling. May you find Christ, comfort, and companions amidst the questions! Despair defies description. What a unique family motto! You know, like it wasnt me. In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. Just get in the mix, get in the line of fire. We only book nice people who have a sense of humor and know things worth knowing. Kerri, Wondering if youve come across Bahai writings as I find them inspiring in building a circle of friends, a community and help each other grow together. We look forward to having you join in on future conversations! Sadly, our family motto was, Youll pass in a crowd if the crowds big enough. My mothers mother didnt want her to get a swelled head, and she passed that down to us, her four daughters. Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. Rocky is family, and we dont sell family, I replied. You can follow the conversation with Kelly on Instagram @kellycorrigan. And she said, Kelly, Im going to try to do the Uber to this wedding, and I was wondering if you can request a woman, and I said, No you cant, but you can trust it. I think we make life a little more interesting! The idea that we just sort of wander around, consume things until we die, like were just a series of small appetites without any deep, rich, meaningful, satisfying connection. I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. Kellys guest is actress and author Constance Wu - you may know her from her roles in the breakthrough tv show Fresh Off the Boat and the blockbuster film Crazy, Rich Asians. I heard your friend died, and I just couldnt bear to call them back. For a special listener who was just diagnosed, here are some thoughts on the stages of recovery that I encourage you to share with every last person you know who is in treatment for anything. I heard your friend died, and I just couldnt bear to call them back. Okay, but Im just telling you those kids are waking up every day without her, and theyre going to keep being without her forever. Now a cognitive scientist and podcaster, Maya grew up immersed in the . Id love to hear more about what this means to you. Ask the dancers, and the athletes, the painters, and musicians. I was wrong not to go visit her. I found that instructive. I think we should be talking about five percent of the time. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. If you love the episode, please share and review. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Together, Kate and Kelly explore the phrases we cling to in order to find deeper connection and meaning during difficult times. Kelly Corrigan:Its like a game changer. She had ovarian cancer, so she had fought it for seven years, and it was the kind of thing where I felt like I urgently wanted to deserve my life. The idea that any day could be this huge day, I dont know, that really gets me out of bed, you know? Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. Kelly Corrigan:So, I used to go in there and write, and they have a meditation teacher twice a day at 10:00 AM and 3:00 PM, and at first I was sort of sheepish about availing myself of every single employee benefit, but sure enough, eventually I found myself sitting in there, and this guy was kind of amazing. You are everywhere they are., Kelly Corrigan:I really believe that, even though Im skeptical, and Im mad at people who say, Her spirits still here, and stuff. Im not sure where the bar is set at in normalcy though. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. Take Care Kate, I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. Im so sorry youre not going to like any of my answers. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. Kelly Corrigan Wonders listeners will be familiar with Alexs story as we shared it in the episode A Mother Son Story of the Ultimate Transition and it was also replayed it in the For the Good of the Order feed. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live. Recently I coined maintain the faith, exit with grace. What do we do when the labels were given arent necessarily the ones we choose for ourselves? I really appreciate it. Its these seemingly trivial moments. Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. Kelly Corrigan is the best-selling author of "Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say," and a proud graduate of the University of Richmond. Its a sin, its hell. Kilpy Kelly Corrigan:And so I didnt do it. Constance Wu and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. We should hold hands for a moment, as a way of marking the glory of a family dinner, and they do that. Such is a reminder that success is the result of joined efforts and that all of us are touched by the ripples of others contributions. Kate Bowler:Yeah, the indignity. We should hold hands for a moment, as a way of marking the glory of a family dinner, and they do that. Kelly Corrigan:I never came up with any combination that came close to the feeling. Kate Bowler:You and I are super chatty people, but you make an amazing pitch for silence, and I am all for it, because everyone always had these go-to things to say with me like, You can do it, or Youre so brave, and all the things that made me feel like I was on the other side of plexiglass. Im sorry I didnt go see your mom. Thats not the same as saying I was wrong not to try to know her. Adjust the colors to reduce glare and give your eyes a break. They swell, and constrict, and break, and forgive, and behold, because its like this, having a heart. You could do worse than to live by that one. So now if a family member is being difficult or misbehaving, we have established ground rules, So and so is family and we dont sell family! So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. Thats like total vanity but, especially with the kids, I definitely think, Edward and I both think, If you let us run this out for you, well get it done like one, two, three, and thats so humiliating, and degrading, and just the opposite of self-esteem building, which is sort of like the ground we walk on as adults. You wrote this book in a season of incredible loss. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Im hearing all the music, Im totally tuned in to the right channel, and then just like that, I slip into those mundane irritants., Kelly Corrigan:And then I catch myself, and then I feel this sense of shame, and he said, Its like this. I was wondering if you could tell me about that. Kelly Corrigan:And how do we earn it? Copyright 2023 Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), all rights reserved. Thanks For Being Here Mary Hope's Letter Introducing Alex. I dont have the genetic predisposition. Kelly Corrigan:Im telling you what, man, you can not believe how much I use this, and you can not believe how still it is not my natural instinct. She has a beloved podcast called Everything Happens. Kelly Corrigan:And thats the truth. Its cancer inflammatory breast cancer, with a twenty percent chance of living to five years. Team Everything Happens. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. Corrigan and her guests meander with insight and humor toward that inevitable moment when you think, "Exactly!" The Best Show with Tom Scharpling a day ago Im so compassionate to that thing that happens every time you tell someone that you had cancer, which is the other person trying to figure out why its not going to happen to them as fast as possible. Each episode ends with a special Plus One segment, in which guests are invited to thank those that have supported them along their journey. Kelly Corrigan:So, this was about all of these people calling me to say, I heard your friend died. Im grateful for your wisdom in the messy, the uncertain and the in-between. I even use it at the end of lectures like, Hey, this is the end of the 19th century. I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. In, warm, insightful, often funny conversations, Kate talks with people about what they've. Kelly Corrigan:Like, Oh, well we still have sex, so were definitely not going to get a divorce, or you know, Oh my husband doesnt travel, so then were definitely not gonna get a divorce, or you know, I never smoked cigarettes, so Im definitely not going to get breast cancer. Kelly Corrigan:And he said, Thats a way to be a parent, which is to say to be there, to be available, to be within view, but not necessarily inserting yourself, because even though as your kids get older and older, it feels like theyre looking for you less and less, it is sort of a comfort to glance over, and see you there, and feel you there, and they would most certainly notice if you werent. Onwards, but you use it so beautifully when youre talking about Lizs family and how they are now. Youre giving these beautiful phrases, and each of them feels like a kind of roadmap, and you start with one that really resonated deeply with me. Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? Enjoy an intimate and heartfelt interview series hosted by author Kelly Corrigan. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. Shes not going to their wedding, shes not going to pick out wedding dresses with them. Theres a whole world out there happening, and you can step into all kinds of things, and you dont need to know why youre leaving the house. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Suddenly, just showing up was in question. You say something thats so weird cause I say it all the time, so when I read it I thought, Did you reach inside my brain? You adopted the phrase, Onward as a bit of a motto. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Kate Bowler:You are someone who has gotten mixed up in all kinds of things, and I am so glad to know you.